Up to the now and in the present

It's amazing how we let little things slip by when our time is consumed by other trifling things. My blog has always been a place where I could find comfort when the world was filled with the bleakness of everyday nuances. But as you can see, I haven't been here. Not that my life isn't filled with the same everydayness......but now it's filled with worry, doubt, optimism and the sensation that some things just have priority over others.

But after visiting my favorite blogs Sunday night, I felt it was time to sit and drain myself of all that I keep locked up inside at my favorite place, my blog. I'm an exhibitionist in that I enjoy opening myself up for others to see. If not to enjoy the weirdness or the drama, than to learn what not to do or what to do in case of an emergency.

Well, I left off with my husband not working. He's now going to school full time and is doing a wonderful job in his studies. I'm proud of him and the progress he's making. I can't speak more higher of him at this point. By the beginning of next year, he'll have 2 certifications; A+ and Network Administration. I think what is the most important part is that he is really enjoying the challenge and looks forward to what he's learning. That makes me very happy. I know that he has found a niche where he can grow and be challenged regardless of time or the fluctuating job market and he will never have to face a glass ceiling again. The sky is the limit for him now.

Wee-bit is out for the summer and passed her 1st grade classes. She had some hang-ups and she was a challenge on many occasions. Some days she's more challenging than others but we work with her and she improves. Everyday she grows taller and taller. Everyday, a new change and an inspiration to the strength she possesses. I'm very lucky to have her. Not too long ago, she informed me that she is going to be an artist when she grows up. "I don't need to go to school to learn math or reading, mom. I'm going to be an artist."

We're not going to move to Washington this year like we wanted. That is something we've accepted as having to post-pone for awhile. We could hope that we'll move soon but the reality is that we'll probably be here for a few more years. With that said, we're beginning to research buying a home in this area. Amazing that we can do that......finally.

So then, where have I been and what have I been up to? Well, work consumes a great deal of my time and energy. It is something I work very hard at to perfect and it is something that grows each day. The possibilities of it becoming a larger entity than what it is, are very real. And it pays the bills. But because it takes so much of my time and energy, I find that I am tired by the end of the day and only want to spend what energy I have left with my family. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job very much and my boss is a joy to work with, even on the days when I want to kick him in his shins. And the people that I work with, I love them too but we're going through changes and of course, as change is always inevitable, people will being moving on and others will be moving up. All I can do is ride with it.

But that isn't the only reason I'm tired. In April, the day before Wee-bit's birthday, we lost our bunny foo foo to an intestinal obstruction. That was such a sad day for me. I loved our bunny so much even though I couldn't really pet her much because I was so damn allergic to her fur. But still, that bunny kicked ass. And wee-bit had a hard lesson in the mortality of animals which even more heart-wrenching then the death of foo.

But little did I know that foo foo's death was a warning of my own issues to come. The very next day, well, to be frank, I found that I was bleeding internally from the backdoor. I, of course, ignored it. I thought perhaps the stress of work, family and losing our pet was just too much on me. But it didn't go away. And so, I went to see the doctor. A short time later, we found that I have a polyp and that I need a colonoscopy in case there is more that wasn't seen with the other examination. But that is only one of the ailments that I'm battling. I'm also being screened for cancer as blood tests show that my white blood cell count is high, my iron is depleting quickly and I seem to have somewhat painful growths in my abdomen. Now, let's not all panic. It could be that my liver is fat (fatter liver), it could be a severe intestinal infection, it could be cysts growing along the lining of my abdomen (rare but not unheard of), and it could be a combination of all of the above. I'm going to be going through a high-resolution ultra sound next Monday to determine what it is. There is no doubt though that at some point, I will be going under the knife.

Because of whatever the hell is wrong with me, there are days when I look to be more obese than others. The bloating in my abdomen can be troublesome and rather uncomfortable. There are days when I hurt more than others and there are days when I am so tired that I could fall asleep standing up. Today, is one of the uncomfortable days. Oddly through it all, I've lost weight which is a very trivial thing on days like today.

As time passes, I become more tired, yet more determined to get better. It's more of an annoyance than anything. It's not like having the flu or a cold where your whole body is miserable. It's more like being pregnant almost....the being bloated and tired all the time.....not being able to eat very much and still feeling like your hungry at the same time.....wondering where the hell you left your brain today because you feel like your walking in a sleepy haze. There are days when I feel stoned out of my gourd because I'm so tired. And yes, that comes with munchies too.

So there you have it.....everything up to now and in the present. I'll try to keep you posted more often as I go along with this. I really didn't want to say anything until I knew what the hell was wrong with me but as you can see, we're not getting that answer very quickly.

Kids, don't try this at home.